A Force of Nature

Last night, I was reminded that I am a force of nature. Reminded that what I have to offer in terms of my artwork abilities is actually pretty fucking phenomenal. I can draw nearly anything. I can paint nearly anything. Sure, there are subjects that I'm not as skilled in, but that can change. 

A long time ago, I gave up on a dream, seeing no hope in an industry that went overseas. But, it's trickling back. And that dream is still lurking in my heart. 

So, I'm going for it. I am an artist. I'm a fine artist. I'm a background artist. I'm a layout artist. I'm a character artist. I'm a concept artist. 

It's always darkest...

To quote Neil Gaiman, "The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can."

Every day, I'm struggling to remember this advice. To remember that I am valuable. To know that my ridiculous amount of varied experience and expertise in so many different things is a good thing, not something to be dismissed, (Oh, you do too much. You should focus on one thing.)

Because I write. I draw. I build. I dance. But I haven't been able to really play or live for quite some time. There is always that shadow hanging over me - the ghost of income past. So instead of being me - that creative being I once was - I spend hours on a failing computer that I can't replace, looking for and applying to jobs that either don't even respond, or respond with, "You're over-qualified," or with, "We went the candidate that has more/different/younger/whatever qualifications." I have offered my experience and skills as a volunteer to places that say they want volunteers, to not even hear back from them. I can't fucking win.

And I'll keep doing all of the above, because I have no choice. Because I can't bear the thought of doing nothing. Because I NEED and WANT to work. Because I keep waiting for dawn to break....

Everything in cycles

Years ago, I wanted nothing more than to be a background artist for 2D animated tv/movies, and developed a portfolio along those lines. The industry changed (went mostly overseas) the artistry changed (went mostly 3D) but my love for the medium has not. Once again, I’m looking in that direction, looking for volunteer/intern opportunities in animation as I continue to draw, paint, create, and upgrade my skills.

Picking up the pieces.

It’s really hard to accept when a company doesn’t agree with you that you are the right person for their job, especially when you know it was between you, and one other, and they went with the one who is probably 20+ years younger. Sounds like how a lot of marriages end.

Regrouping and moving on is a lot like breaking up. You just have to do it. Realize that the other is gone, and keep looking. I know that I have much more to offer in terms of experience, stability, reliability, and focus. Time to let the rest of the world know that.

Life is ever an adventure

When I first entered the world of employment (not counting that waitressing job at Swenson’s) I never thought my path would change so many times. My advertising degree proved to be nearly useless, as my outdated college classes didn’t teach anything to do with computer graphics. 

Really? 

But I adjusted, kept waitressing, did what I do best (art) and believed I was meant for more. 

A major move to another state meant another re-evaluation, so I signed up with a temp agency and was immediately placed in a data-entry position. Ok. I can do that. Fast forward a couple of months, and a full-time position opened: marketing secretary. Even better. It utilized some of the skills I’d learned in college and being involved in the “Marketing Society” in high school, it was better money, and it got me away from the group of petty people who constantly talked behind my back, saying I got work because of my looks. I liked my new position. I helped out three different marketing managers, made good friends, and felt useful. But, three years of being a secretary, with no upward mobility in sight, had me casting out feelers again. 

But something else had caught my eye. 1993 and Jurassic Park was on the big screen. Dear gods, I wanted to create like that!! I got a loan, hugged my family goodbye, and went to animation school, which resulted in over 16 years of awesome work, with only a hiccup or two, and a heart-wrenching reality when the economy collapsed in 2008. I had a ton of skills. Creativity, leadership, art direction, digital artistry, copy writing, a long work history, and glowing recommendations - and every job I applied for wanted all that and a bag of chips, but only wanted to pay entry-level. 

Time to re-evaluate again. I had something in mind, something I had toyed with back when the aftermath of 9/11 ended one of my graphics jobs - special fx makeup. I figured if I were going to be paid entry-level again, at least it was going to be at something I actually was entry-level in! I was instinctively good at it. I could paint and sculpt, I had a twisted sense of humor, and I loved the hands on aspect of the application, after so many years of being glued to a computer. I was able to invest in another specialty school, and embarked on another foray into a notoriously difficult career.

And I spectacularly failed. 

It wasn’t that I am no good. 

I am. 

But I had reached a point in my life where I had so little tolerance for bullshit, being treated poorly, overly long hours on dismal compensation, etc. Too many projects wanted the work for free, to “build up your portfolio.” The projects I did work on, the ones I choose to remember, were awesome, as were the people I worked with. But I wasn’t hungry enough for it to sell my soul. I’ve found an acceptable way to stay with it, though. I still love the creativity and artistry, so I take on small gigs, and make time for Halloween, when the haunts need artists to make ghoulies and zombies.

Apply brakes. Reroute. 

I channeled my artistic abilities into teaching art, building up a cohesive fine art portfolio, editing and proofreading for author friends, and generally doing anything and everything to just keep swimming.

And not be pulled into the abyss...

Interviews

Everyone is looking at you. Or maybe it is just one person, certainly with a poker face, perhaps with a slight scowl. They have better things to do. They have their own tasks for the day to accomplish. And then they drop that most dreaded of interview questions: “What is your greatest weakness?” Or even worse, “Tell me about your biggest weaknesses.” Not just one…multiples.

Well, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think any of my self-perceived weaknesses outweigh the multiple skills I bring to the table. I get nervous in interviews; I can be a grammar nazi (although I hate that phrase) but I try to not be insufferable about it and I don’t bother at all on social media like Twitter and Facebook; and I prefer to use the Oxford comma. Doesn’t fly with most American style-guides for business literature, so I have to suppress that urge on a regular basis.

But none of these are really all that important, or could be conceived as deal-breakers. The one that could be is probably the one I have to work the hardest on to overcome: Owning my skills. Owning the fact that I am an asset to any company I work with, and being able to talk about it without caring that I may be perceived as arrogant. When a woman works on a project, takes on a leadership role, and directs others to work in the same vein as her, she’s often called “bossy,” “pushy,” or maybe even “bitchy” by the less-enlightened. Add that to body-confidence issues when a less-skilled but perhaps more attractive person gets a sought-after position and suddenly you have the recipe for not wanting to be out-spoken about your accomplishments. Or even walk out your front door. 

It’s time to say, “Screw that!” Own your skills. Own your greatness. Own the fact that you can juggle 10 different skills you spent a lifetime acquiring and know exactly how to toss them out in the perfect combination to excel in any capacity you see fit to pursue. 

Other people’s perceptions are meaningless, but do what you need to do to be your best you. There is a lot of buzz these days about how female empowering it is to not wear makeup, but it’s all one-sided. If wearing makeup is empowering for you (as it is for me) WEAR IT. If not wearing it is your comfort zone, then don’t. It’s as simple as that. Exercise or don’t. Read self-help books or don’t. Dance like no one is watching or don’t.

But be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. It’s not arrogance. It’s not bragging. You’ve earned the right to be who you are and to know that you are worthy.

Deanston Distillery

An unexpected find as my new husband and I traveled through the Scottish Highlands for our honeymoon last year. Since he is Dean, the prospect of a distillery named the same was very enticing!

We were not disappointed. I'm not enough of a whisky expert (working on that) to be able to describe to you the perfection that is their 11 year old quaff, but let's just say that it is exquisite.  Most people save the top layer of their wedding cake for their first anniversary. We saved this wee bottle to celebrate with, and it was so hard to not touch this souvenir for an entire year!

Shown with the Deanston is a wee Highland coo, created by Uig Pottery on the Isle of Skye, and one of my abstracts, "Crown Jewels," created with oils, gold powder, and hair dye.

Art is Life

There's this thing about being an artist - of any kind. You can't stop. Not painting, writing, dancing, singing, upcycling, quilting, whatever it is that makes your heart beat, and your soul feel warm and fuzzy.

So, even though I'm working on my magnum opus, the Geomorphic Abstractions series, there are times when I just want to pull out my pastels, or watercolors, or alcohol inks and just play and have fun. Throw in a breathtaking photo of a moonlit Scottish loch, and pretty soon, I had a painting that had nothing to do with my opus.  Now, it's available as prints and printed products like greeting cards, beach towels, coffee cups, and more. I hope you will check it out, along with all of my other pieces. Because art is life, and a little escape from reality would do a lot of people good.

https://brenda-salamone.pixels.com/featured/moonlit-brenda-salamone.html

Gloria Glamourpus

My latest artwork endeavor is now available as prints, pillows, shower curtains, beach towels, and more at:

http://brenda-salamone.pixels.com/featured/gloria-glamourpus-brenda-salamone.html

Original 6"x6" oil on wood panel painting is also available.